Hopefully Challenged

I am having a hard time with hope right now. We had so much hope last cycle, so many good feelings and high aspirations, and still got a BFN. I'm in that phase of the cycle where I feel like it doesn't matter what I do, I will get a BFN anyway. It doesn't help when a friend e-mails you and tells you that maybe the reason you aren't getting pregnant is because somewhere out in the world is a baby waiting for you to adopt it. Now I am a big fan of adoption and we plan to pursue adoption channels when we buy our home, but come on, people! How cold and callous can a person possibly be?

Today and yesterday I broke down and got iced coffees. I only drink decaf so it's not that kind of a big deal, but I swore off artificial sweeteners for TTC. And I got the Splenda baby, yeah! I figure lots of my clients get pregnant on steady diets of McDonald's and drugs, so what's a little Splenda? That and I have no confidence that we will be successful.

A quack doctor many many years ago told me I would probably never get pregnant because I never ovulated. I ovulate all the time now, but damn, I wish I'd just kept listening to him and didn't get my hopes up at all. Because who knows? In two cycles I may be right back in that place.

Sigh.