Almost double digits
Tomorrow I will be 10 weeks by ovulation day. (I'm a few days behind that when you go by LMP, because I O'd on CD12, way earlier than ever before.) 10 weeks. Wow.
Most of the time I am perpetually paranoid that I am not actually pregnant anymore, that something awful has happened between 7 weeks and now that I won't find out about until I have another scan. Keep in mind that I NEVER expected to be that person. I was ready to be all non-interventionist and calm, and enjoy my pregnancy every day that I am pregnant, and well, that is all great and dandy IN MY HEAD but the whole TTC process honestly chips away at your heart and soul. I am now a blubbering, clingy mess.
Okay, not entirely. I do like a little hyperbole once in a while.
I wish I could be laid back like Kathryn. Every day seems like a celebration of her pregnancy, even though she hasn't had a scan yet and hasn't seen or heard a heartbeat. She is a week or so ahead of me and I am so envious of her attitude! I have had three scans and seen viable heartbeats twice, but I'm too well-read and too pessimistic to think that I can't possibly be in that 5%. I mean, I've known enough people in that 5% to know how well it exists.
So today, my last day in the single-digits, I am going to celebrate being pregnant rather than worry about being pregnant. Yes, I have no m/s, my boobs don't hurt, and I haven't even felt very fatigued lately. Yes, I spot every day and have for over 2 weeks. But I am not bleeding and I am not cramping and I am PREGNANT, dammit.
One week until I see the midwife.
~//~
In non-related news, the webring of queer mamas making babies is just scarily small.
posted by Jude @ 8:42 AM
2 Comments:
Trust me - I worry every day about miscarriage, am I actually pregnant and have I just imagined it all......... I don't think I'll truely believe there's something there until I have my scan.
Try and stay as positive as you can, and enjoy every moment x
I still check the TP every day for blood and I'm further along than you! I have also decided somehow in my deepest, darkest recesses of my heart to brace myself for the idea that I'm going for this scan next week only to see that the baby has died. I don't think you ever really get past the fear that something has gone wrong when you have a medicalised conception. We're too used to having doctors mess with our va-jay-jays to believe the everything could work well on it's own I suspect.
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