Oops, it's been a while.

Well, I guess time flies when you're having fun. Or something like that. I've been really lax in writing here and have been doing most of the blahblahblah in my other blog.

We'll be 9 weeks tomorrow, though I don't know how the beans are doing because I haven't been to the doctor or anything since I was 7 1/2 weeks when I had a bleeding episode. They told me I had a subchorionic hematoma (blood between the uterus and placenta) and that it would go away on its own. I had gushes of red blood for two days. Two very scary days. During that time, we also passed papers and closed on our new house in our new town. Yay!

I haven't had any bleeding since, just occasional brown spotting that has mostly subsided, so I am hoping the worst is over. I haven't had any morning sickness to speak of, just the occasional feeling of 'yuck' in the back of my throat, so of course I am worried that I'm not /really/ pregnant or something. When we had our last u/s after the bleeding, the beans' heartbeats were 131 and 143, so I guess things are still good in there. Still, a lot can change in two weeks!

I am scheduled to meet one of the midwives in my practice on Dec. 12. I called them yesterday to let them know that we're expecting twins and to see if she wanted me to do anything differently or see me sooner, and she called in a prescription for an extra mg/day of folic acid. Yay, more pills! That's 4 metformin, 1 prenatal, and 1 folic. I hope she doesn't give me crap about the metformin because I want to take it as long as I can.

We moved into our new home on Saturday and it has been a fiasco like moving usually is. Now I am housebound while I wait for utility installers, delivery people, etc. etc. Good times! At least I can lay around and nap a lot... except that I'm supposed to be looking for a job.

8w6d

Some good cheer

We interrupt our regular pregnancy talk to say...

HAPPY CIVIL PARTNERSHIP DAY to Kathryn & Donna!!

We hope your ceremony is positively lovely! Hooray!

7w1d Ultrasound

The babies were measuring 6w3d and 6w4d. The doctor wasn't concerned and said they had good growth and I may have implanted later or something. I guess as long as they are measuring together, it's good. Also, they each had the most adorable little flickering heartbeats.

I am sad that Jen wasn't able to be there. It was quite exciting.



I also had some icky brown spotting today. I would really like that to stop, okay?

Twins!

I have been in major, major twin denial. I suppose I will have to face reality if we see two heartbeats on our ultrasound on Thursday. I definitely hope for two heartbeats because I don't want anything bad to happen, but at the same time, I am terrified of twins.

I am scared of having a risky pregnancy.
I am scared of having premature babies.
I am scared of not being able to work when I am pregnant.
I am scared of not being able to afford to have two kids.

It goes on and on and on.

I know that whatever happens, we will make it work. But I also know that in 8 days we will close on our new house in our new town, and in 10 days I will end my current job and need to find a new job in our new town. And I need to pack our house, move our house, unpack our house, and do all of this job business while cooking twins. Twins!

My wife took a slight pay cut to move across the state and switch jobs. She is much happier in her current job but wasn't making much money to begin with. What on earth are we going to do if a) we can't afford childcare, or worse, b) I end up on bed rest or something equally scary and can't work after a while?

I guess I will avoid reality for a little while longer.

Two sacs!

TWO SACS!

Two gestational sacs!
Two yolk sacs!

TWO!

No fetal poles or heartbeats present yet, but my RE is confident it is just too early.
Another ultrasound on Thursday, 11-16.
Keep your fingers crossed!

5w3d

Same old same old around here. I still feel largely nothing most of the time, though I am tireder than usual. Sometimes it just seems like it's a seasonal change or a clock change kind of thing but other times I just give up the ghost and admit it is a pregnancy thing. I think sometimes I am really scared to think of myself as pregnant because I am so paranoid that something is going to go wrong. I really DO try to enjoy every day and spend at least a few minutes a day thinking about a nice, healthy pregnancy and how most of the time everything goes just fine.

I am just a neurotic person and Beta Hell has not been kind to me. With a doubling time of 63 hours, I have a lot to stew about. I try to remind myself that lots of people who don't have "issues" don't even get betas - they get +HPTs and then doctor appointments. I keep telling myself that I am a really healthy person, and since I've managed to make my PCOS/insulin resistance really manageable with weight loss and lots of Metformin there is no reason for me to not be one of those gals that gets knocked up naturally... except for the "no sperm in the house" part.

We have our first ultrasound on Tuesday. According to O date, we will be 5w6d. I know it is too early to see a heartbeat but a girl can hope, right? A heartbeat would sure give me something to be excited about. At this point I think the whole reason for the ultrasound is to count sacs. Our 19dpo beta was on the highish side (967) for a singleton but with the slow doubling time I have a hard time imagining there are multiples in there. Part of me wishes for another beta so I could feel better about rising numbers but part of me does NOT need anything else to obsess about.

I am so scared that the ultrasound will bring bad news. I am so scared for ANYTHING to bring bad news. We just want this so, so much. I can't wait until Christmas (and the second trimester) so I can let down my guard a little.