18w blather

I just learned today that Metformin can interfere with the body's absorption of folic acid, which means that women who take Metformin during pregnancy risk brain and neural tube problems like anencephaly (yikes) and such. I have been taking Metformin for all 18 weeks of my pregnancy and I learned this TODAY. I am going to assume that none of my doctors knew this because otherwise I'm going to get awfully upset.

I'm pretty sure I'm safe not only because I saw my baby's brain and spinal cord on the 14w ultrasound, but because I have always taken Metformin in the morning with breakfast and the prenatals at night right before bed. And I take 2mg of folic acid instead of the 800mcg recommended for pregnant folks so maybe that helped? I don't know, but you'd better believe I'll be looking for that brain again on Friday. Anencephaly and microcephaly are two of my biggest nightmares. I can't believe I ever decided to try to get pregnant while working in Early Intervention. What was I thinking?

Anyway, enough about fatal birth defects, let's talk about something more cheery - our full anatomy scan is on Friday morning, which is a mere two days from today! Here's hoping everything looks fantastic and we also get a between-the-legs shot, because I am now dying to know. I keep having paranoia that we will get to the u/s and the baby will be dead because it recently happened to a gal online who was 2 weeks ahead of me. She had a perfect amnio at 15w and went for her Level II at 19w and the baby was dead - no explanation. Even though I last heard the heartbeat on the doppler last Friday night, I still worry. Good god, how on earth could that happen? Ugh.

I guess I'm not great about cheery topics. Whoops.

In the "Aah, the emotional side of pregnancy" department, I have really been jonesing for cake for the past week or so, and last night somehow conned Jen into going to the grocery store to get me some sort of cake/cupcake/snacky. She came back with something and I was so excited until I saw that it had trans fat in it (and we have decided to avoid trans fat during pregnancy) and I had to put the delicious cake down and say no. I went to bed crying at 9pm because I was so devastated by the Cake Tease.

Actually, it still makes me sad.

Worries and pains

Yesterday I think I had an introduction to round ligament pain. I got up from my chair at work and ZING, it felt like I'd pulled a muscle in my groin. OUCH.

I don't think I'm gaining weight and I'm not getting any bigger. Cue the paranoia that the baby's dead and/or not growing at all. Does the paranoia ever end?

I think I am feeling fetal movement, but only at work when I am sitting in my uncomfortable work chair. It is seriously the most uncomfortable chair I have ever sat in, and the back doesn't adjust so I feel a little crunched over. Am I smooshing my kid? Is that why I feel something? See what I mean, I'm a nervous wreck!

I am waiting for that magical day where I don't worry so much anymore. My expectation is that it will happen in 40 years.

17w2d

16w belly

Man, my waist will NOT give up! Ugh!

16w

So we're 16w today! Now that things aren't as dramatic, it really does seem like time is moving more quickly. It helps that we are in a bit of a routine and have moved out of the "living out of boxes, where is my shirt?" phase of things and now can get to things like unpacking nonessentials and perhaps even hanging some art sometime. I hope so!

For the last 5 days or so, I have been getting occasional pain twinges on either side of my belly. They sound kind of like round ligament pains but most people describe RLPs in relation to a sudden movement like rolling over, or something like a sneeze. This is not the case for me, but rather, they will just happen at random times, usually a couple in a row. I have all of these speculations but really I just have no idea. I'll chalk them up to Phantom Pains of Pregnancy and will ask my midwife about them in two weeks if they continue.

Two weeks from Friday we go for our big anatomy scan and also hopefully get to see the goods. We were in the "not sure if we want to know" camp for a short time, then definitely wanted to know when we were having twins... when we lost the twin it was hard to lose the idea of finding out the sex early. So here's hoping we get a good peek!

I'd also REALLY like to lose the B-shaped belly and get more of a D-shaped belly. D says pregnant and B just says fat. I'm so ready to be a real pregnant lady! But hopefully I'm getting close if these aches and pains are any indication. We'll see what happens.

Not sure if we'll be taking a picture tonight or not. We have a houseguest coming for dinner, and well, I don't think anything's changed since last week.

Excited

Jen and I had to brave the mall because I needed, of all things, a semi-formal gown to wear to a black-tie wedding reception. (Yeah, I know, I know.) We found one fairly quickly that was also thankfully majorly marked down AND was a size 10, oh 10, how I love thee, you are so close to single digits. But I digress.

Macy's is right next to Babiesaurus so we decided to pop in there and check out all of the strollers - one of the few things I want to see in person before choosing just on consumer reports and such alone. So we did, and we wandered through a few other aisles, and we ended up cooing over mass-produced baby bedding and such, and on the way out of the store, Jen said, "I'm /really/ excited about having a baby."

Well, damn if that's not the best thing ever.

(Oh, and that dress had BETTER still fit in 2 weeks!)

15w me

Some observations:

1. There is some sort of schmutz on my shirt. Gross!
2. Look, I wear something other than pajamas!
3. Where are those BOOBS that you're supposed to get in pregnancy?

On ultrasounds

I am a little concerned with the number of ultrasounds we've had. I realize that they were not terribly elective because all of the bleeding we had, and because of policies at my RE's office. I mean, we had two early ultrasounds required by my RE, then four for bleeding and spotting, and one follow-up. That makes seven.

Seven ultrasounds. I thought I'd probably have three in my whole pregnancy, and here I am not even 15 weeks (that's tomorrow) and I've had seven. And my big anatomy scan is scheduled for Feb. 2. So that makes eight.

I'm scared. I read such conflicting information and I know that like all information, it's full of propaganda on both sides. I don't necessarily feel like increased use of ultrasounds leads to increased rates of autism (I feel like increased screening and better recognition helps the increased rates of autism, not to mention NUMEROUS environmental hazards), but I do wonder about the studies done on mice that seem to show that ultrasounds can impact brain and neuron development. The last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt my baby's brain.

There are people who have been in similar situations to mine, or who have been pregnant with multiples, who have had many ultrasounds and have healthy children. But then there are those people who tell me that their midwives frown upon ANY ultrasounds, and here I've had seven. Soon to be eight.

I wish I knew what to do about this. I can't go back and change the ultrasounds I've had just like I can't change the fact that I had a flu shot, a lot of bleeding, lost a twin, and am taking antibiotics. My midwife assures me that the ultrasounds I've had pose no risk to my baby and that should be enough for me, right? I just worry so much about this little guy that I can't even feel.

I guess this is one of those challenges of parenthood, right? Learning to let go and let the Universe do its thing. Except the Universe didn't invent ultrasounds.

A little ultrasound progression

This was when we bled at 10w1d and learned we'd lost one of our babies:



Yet our surviving twin was really rocking it:



Frankie was still rocking it at our 10w6d bleeding follow-up:



And he continues to rock it at 14w2d (note massive brain):

14w3d

Yesterday I got a little casual anatomy scan at my midwife appointment, which was pretty sweet. We originally scheduled this ultrasound as a follow-up to the Big Bleeding Ultrasound but since we have the doppler and haven't had any more bleeding, it was more for fun.

So the sonographer, who is awesome and doesn't believe in that "I will just do the ultrasound and the doctor will have to talk to you" stuff showed me EVERYTHING. I mean, some of the stuff she was pointing out meant nothing to me, but she said it was there and I believe her. She pointed out: head, two hemispheres of the brain, eyes, eyelids, nose, mouth, spine, ribcage, heart, belly with umbilicus, stomach, kidneys, bladder, arms and hands (with fingers), legs. She did arm length and leg length measurements and didn't seem concerned, and Frankenfetus measured 14w1d. I have been one day behind at every ultrasound there so at least Frankie is consistently growing! She checked heart rate but didn't tell it to me, but then when I saw the midwife she whipped out the doppler and heard that same "galloping horse" sound we hear at home and said it sounded very strong. So all in all, it was an exceedingly positive visit.

I have a swollen tonsil right now. I have a problem tonsil that gets recurrent abcesses from time to time (I really need to just get them removed and get on with it) but haven't had a really bad infection since 2003. But when I went into the midwife yesterday, she took one look at me and wigged out. I was trying to get by with Tylenol, but she was very concerned that it would get worse or start causing fevers so she made me go next door to the ER for some IV antibiotics and some take home antibiotics. I ended up with Clindamycin which is a heavy antibiotic for hard-core infections (esp. oral). I've taken it before but certainly never pregnant, so of course I am paranoid about the baby. I looked it up and it's Category B, and my midwife assured me that it is very safe, so I am trying to just chill about it.

I just keep telling myself that I got to see a good portion of Frankie's anatomy yesterday so the antibiotics can't really screw up with the development, right? Anyway, that's my story... and the antibiotics are just 10 days of an almost 300 day pregnancy. We're just nervous because we've had so many problems and things had JUST started being stress-free.

Aah well, welcome to the world of parenthood, right?

14w belly

I think I might be a little bigger...



but why oh why must I still look so fat?

13w6d

I start my new job today. I haven't worked AT ALL since the day after Thanksgiving, when I left my last job. It seems like so long ago but I have had so much bleeding and spotting since then, so I'm nervous. It's just a part time job, 5.5 hours a day and pretty much all sitting, but I'm still nervous. It will be good for me to get out though, I'm sure.

Things seem to be getting lighter on the spotting front - not just in quantity but in color. Most of the time it is a light tan. I don't know what this means but it's kind of freaky. I will ask the midwife about it on Friday when I see her. I am also going to really push with questions and ask if I should go see a specialist about all of this spotting. It will be 7 weeks strong on Friday. I mean, that's a long time.

The cats have now caught another mouse. Yuck! A friend came up over the weekend and helped Jen de-mouse-ify the basement (sucked up all food and poop, sealed off all cracks and holes) so hopefully it's only a matter of time. As if we need more things to be stressed about.

On the symptom front, all I do is cry anymore, usually about whether or not Jen loves me or something. It's really quite ridiculous and I always seem to have big tears coming out of my eyes. My boobs are super sensitive again so maybe something's growing up there. That would be nice. I'd also really like to look pregnant instead of fat.

Used the doppler yesterday and heard Frankenbaby loud and clear. That's nice.