Those 42 week people

I am so ready to just meet this baby already. Are you listening, baby?

I'm not uncomfortable, I'm not swollen, I don't have too much trouble getting around and doing stuff... I'm just ready. Impatient. Whatever you want to call it.

I have been sitting at home for two full work weeks now and let me tell you, there are only so many dishes I can do, so many bathrooms I can clean (we only have one), so many television shows I can watch before I go insane. Really and truly insane.

I am not a wait-er, I am a do-er. And right now there is nothing for me to do! So frustrating!

Kathryn and Donna had their baby girl last week. They were 8 days ahead of us and it is making me even more impatient. They had their baby... ours is going to wait forEVer. I just know in my heart that this is true. We're going to be "Those 42 Week People."

Please, let me be pleasantly surprised.

Midwife Appt: 38w5d

Okay, so, another boring appointment.

BP 132/70 (when the top goes up, the bottom goes down. SO WEIRD)
Weight up 0.5 lb
Opted out of another internal since there is nothing going on
Pee is good
No swelling
Baby heart beat is good
Baby still head down

I asked TMIL what she thought about all of those things people use to bring on labor, like Evening Primrose Oil and Red Raspberry Leaf Tea and that eggplant parm recipe from some restaurant somewhere. She said that none of those things would hurt me, but the baby has her own schedule too and I wouldn't be likely to change any of that. Phooey.

She also said she was pretty positive I would see the 4th with the baby on the inside.

She asked if I knew if my mom went late with her babies. I told her that my mom was a major chain smoker and we were born early and tiny. She said, "Whoops, too late to start that," and then when I told her that I was the bigger of my siblings at about 5.5 lbs, she said, "Whoops, too late for that, too." Heh. It was pretty funny at the time.

Basically she told me to chill out, make a lot of plans, see a lot of movies, and plan to be in it for the long haul. Whee! I told her Jen was paranoid about having the baby in the car, and she told me to go canoeing instead. HA HA HA.

Next appt: 39w6d. Holy crap!

Scratch

Stretch marks are itchy business.

All of a sudden they are EVERYWHERE. Above the belly button, under the belly button, and on both sides.

Itch, itch, itch.

Paranoia

News Flash: The end of pregnancy is as anxiety-provoking, slow, and long as the beginning. I never knew this! Why did no one ever say this? I feel like I'm in the first trimester all over again, except that it might even be slower.

Part of it, I think, is being home. The weeks went by more quickly when I was rattling off days on the way to the weekend. But I don't think that's it. I think that things are so rushed and frantic in the beginning and middle of the third trimester when you try to get everything done, and then you hit a point where you just say, "Okay, I'm ready to do this thing." And then? AND THEN? It doesn't happen.

So now I sit around and worry about stupid stuff. This week at my appointment, my belly measured 33cm, down from 34 the week before. Which is probably due to some droppage. No one was concerned, anyway. But now? Now I am obsessing about it. 33cm at nearly 38w? That's a 5cm discrepancy - my biggest ever! And now all I do is look down at my belly. Is it getting smaller? Is the baby eating herself? Why doesn't it look all big like other people at around 38w? Why am I not waddling? What is UP? I can still bend over and touch my toes. IS THIS BAD???!?

I seriously look about 30w pregnant. I think, anyway. Yet, I keep getting stretch marks. More and more stretch marks. Why am I getting stretch marks if my belly is measuring SMALLER? Clearly I am the weirdest pregnant person who has ever been pregnant.

So yeah. Every day that goes by with no baby is a day that I worry that something bad is going to happen. I have no reason to think this: no pain, no blood, no fluid, no swelling, no high BP, no nothing... yet... no contractions, no discomfort, no reassurance.

It's just like when I was in the first tri with no morning sickness or symptoms. All of those miserable girls were talking about their discomfort and saying, "Well, at least I know my baby is healthy." Now, they are all big and swollen and bloated and they look ready to pop, and I bet they can all take reassurance in that.

Me? Not so much.

Look! Stretch Marks!

(There are some under the belly button that you can't see at this angle, too. But this is my "second belly button.")

And this is just the funniest facial expression I have made, EVER:

Two Weeks!

Holy carp, our due date is two weeks from today! TWO WEEKS.

Midwife appointment on Monday (37w5d): Up 1.5 pounds (total gain now 30.5lb from when I started with midwives, 28.5lb from successful IUI); BP a respectable (for late pregnancy) 124/80; Baby heartrate in the 150s; Fundal height 33cm (down 1cm from last week, which means either she dropped a little or she is eating herself, you be the judge); No pain, bleeding, contractions, or swelling; Urine good; Group B Strep negative. So they pretty much kicked me out after 5 minutes and said, "See you next week!" I got to meet one of the OBs in the practice (all of the midwives were booked) and she was very sweet and very pregnant. Maybe I will stick with them for my regular GYN care.

Birth Center Pre-Registration appointment on Monday: I brought in all of the signed consent forms and handed in the Birth Center's "birth plan" form. It's kind of silly because the Birth Center's policies coincide with all of the things I would put on a birth plan (no IVs, limited cervical checks, no strapped-on monitoring, freedom to move and eat at will, etc.) although I did attach a rider that explained a little bit about our lost twin and how we are kind of neurotic now. Apparently that needs to be signed by my midwife. And I learned something very interesting - it is apparently illegal for a hospital/birth center to give you your placenta, as it is "medical waste." However, I was told on the DL by the nurse that they will slip it to us if we bring our own cooler and "keep it on the low." (We want to bury it, just in case it has twinbits in it.) Interesting.

Birth Class: Last class was last night. One of the couples officially didn't make it to the end (our birth class had insane and irritating scheduling) and had their baby last Monday. They were due July 1st. EEK! But we did it - we made it all the way through!

Medical Proxy Form: Signed and witnessed. Check.

Car Seat Install by Cute Fireman: Done this morning. My car isn't designed to use LATCH in the rear center (only the sides), so we used the seatbelt. Makes me a little nervous but I am going with it for now. Cute Fireman also gave me this sticker of "emergency info" (kid's name, parents' names, pediatrician's name, etc.) to stick on the back of the car seat in case of an accident. Good idea. He also checked the seat for recalls. He was very nice.

Choosing a Pediatrician: I met one last week that I Do. Not. Like. Jen and I are going together to a large peds practice this afternoon. Large practices are both good and bad in my opinion. Good because most (like this one) are open 7/wk 365/yr and you can get sick appointments relatively quickly. Bad because you might not always get the doc you like, and they might be more sticklery on stuff. I'm meeting another recommended pediatrician on Friday afternoon who is in a private practice - she was recommended by a girl in birth class. By the weekend, we will have a decision and a pediatrician! (Phew.)

Co-sleeper: Put together, just needs to be attached to the bed.

Wow. Pretty soon we'll be coming home with a BABY. It really hit home when that couple from birth class showed up last night with their new new newborn and their glazed, sleep-deprived faces. Woah.

I think we are in T-minus......

I am not sure T-minus what exactly - but it's getting there.

99% of the baby room is done. What is left is the two Ikea boxes that I need to finish spray painting and then mount on the walls for the cloth diapers. I need to pick up a new can of Colonial red today after work!


We didn't do much this weekend but relax - and saw Jude's family for father's day. This was good!
I do need to do the following this week:

Mow the lawn
Spray paint and install boxes for diapers
clean the bathroom and the kitchen
Organize basement to locate : Jude's children's books and my old video camera

The bag for the hospital and the baby bag are pretty much ready. Only things missing from them that I know of, are cameras and phone chargers. Oh and a couple of games. Hrmm...gotta work on that. I also need to take out emergency cash for the big day and pick up some snacks that can sit for a while.

This week we also continue to interview pediatricians and have our last birthing class. Jude is getting her car seat installed on Wednesday and I will have to schedule mine to be checked the following week. Though mine is a back up right at this point.

We have been doing some heavy duty discussing about trips this year - for a wedding, for thanksgiving for christmas. Come on people we have to start figuring out NOW because we will have a baby soon!

This morning I left Jude at home with the cats and I already miss her so much. I like being able to just reach over and touch her shoulder or the belly or her hand. Even if it's just a moment among many throughout the day - it holds me over.

I cannot wait for our baby to come and also I am still mightily afraid of the unknown....makes for wonderful dreams!

p.s. It's already 80 something degrees in my office this morning....and it's not even 9 AM yet. *sucks*

Zzzzzz

Bad night. Very bad night. Up all night crying, sometimes the awful hyperventilating kind. I don't even want to imagine my eye circles.

Kid had been moving throughout most of the crying, probably either a) freaking out or b) trying to make me feel better. I prefer the latter, but it's probably the former.

When the hyperventilating started, the movement stopped. And hasn't really been normal since. Quiet today. I suppose it's probably because she got crap sleep just like I did, but nothing beats hyperventilated crying that turns into sobs of, "I killed the baby."

Oh, good times, good times. Baby could now theoretically come at any time and I feel less prepared than I ever have. I'm a crap mama with a lot of expensive baby stuff.

So we are still married...

Because the House defeated the stupid marriage ban amendment. So we still get to have legal family status and hope for the same for others like us out there in Massachusetts...

Before we stared this whole "let's have a baby" journey - I told Jude that I wanted us to live somewhere where we and any children we would have would be protected under the law. And here we are....and here she comes....


I would do anything for my family - for my wife and our child and I am relieved and incredibly happy that enough of the majority of our lawmakers agree that allowing a vote that advocates discrimination against the minority is wrong and that they believe that the freedom to marry should not be denied based on one's gender - as the state constitution demands.


I feel a little more secure in the future of my family. I can't wait until all I have to worry about is her dating and growing up and helping save the environment....and not about whether or not discrimination will be written into law.

SSDD - Same Shirt, Different Day

I thought this was a funny little comparison.

20w3d in one of my favorite comfy shirts:



Somewhere around 35w:



Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I slay myself!

Midwife Appt, 36w5d

We're moving on to weeklies now. WOAH. This is also the last appointment that will pull me from work, as I stop working THIS FRIDAY. When did that happen?

Everything seems fine - BP fine, heartbeat fine, and I'm measuring a cool 34 weeks, which means I'm still about 3 weeks behind. Aah well. I /feel/ big! ;)

Jen made sure to ask about everything from heartburn to constipation. But the midwife just gave me a list of medications I could take. I don't want to take any, though, so we'll see how that goes.

I gained a ton of weight between two weeks ago and now. Well, I don't know exactly how much because I wasn't weighed correctly two weeks ago (they were fumbling with lining the weights up correctly) but I weigh 180 now! WOW, that is a scary number!

At our successful IUI on 10-11 (wow, that was a long time ago) I was 153. Through the first trimester I went down to 151 and then even to an amazing 148 (I hadn't seen that side of 150 since high school) before creeping up again. So it's only a 27lb. jump which is supposedly fabulous... but I can't keep gaining 5lbs every 2 weeks! (Must be all the ice cream.)

What's funny is that before I started losing weight a couple of years ago, I weighed 178. I was sort of hoping to end my pregnancy there, you know? Like something symbolic. Either way, I can't believe I weighed this much ALL THE TIME without a kid in my gut.

To do: have car seat install checked at fire station, call birth center to make "pre-admission" appointment, call pediatricians to set up consultations, hang quilt and curtains so nursery photos can finally happen.

WHEE!

36w4d

I wonder when we'll officially make it to "baby watch." You know, when the midwife says the baby can come at any time. Soon, I imagine. I know that we hit the infamous "full term" on Wednesday. Like, THIS Wednesday. Wow.

Movement has definitely changed, and like everything else, makes me nervous. There's no room for jarring movements, just stretches and things, and they seem slower now, like it takes effort. I have an appointment tomorrow morning and I'm sure we'll be asking about it just in case.

We totally procrastinated on finding a pediatrician but now we're making progress on that, which makes me feel better. I also think I will go to the fire station this week to get the car seat checked. I've put in a lot of car seats thanks to previous child and family jobs, but a little double check can't hurt. I washed the last little bit of baby clothes we were given at our Boston shower, so all that's left to wash are the knitted gifts. (Delicate cycle.)

My college roommate is here visiting for the weekend, and aside from eating a lot and watching a lot of television, we also were graced with a Blue Dog quilt (that she painted herself!) and handmade curtains for our baby's room. While I was at work on Friday, she turned our living room into a sweatshop where she did not eat or drink until I got home and the quilt was done. It looks AMAZING, and I am excited to get all of that into the nursery so I can finally post photos. It is looking so dang cute in there - and looks like we'll have it done before 37w! (Phew.)

The other thing that is kicking my butt is constipation. Oof. I guess I finally need to break down and take something for that. All of my previous "home remedies" (raisin bran, decaf coffee, fast food) have stopped working. Uh oh.

Someday I will find time to upload previous belly shots and things. I am a very lax baby blogger these days. Just think of how bad it will be when Frankie comes!

To-Dos

Done:
-nursery furniture assembled
-newborn and 0-3 clothes washed
-diapers washed
-car seat base installed
-pump parts sterilized

To Do:
-acquire nursing bras/shirts
-pack hospital bag
-purchase necessities
-wash cloth wipes
-wash recently acquired sheets
-assemble stroller and pack 'n play

HOLY CRAP, THERE IS A CAR SEAT BASE INSTALLED IN MY CAR!!!

36w - A letter to our baby

Dear Frankenbaby,

We are 36 weeks pregnant today. I can't believe you have been living and growing inside of me for 34 whole weeks. Sometimes it seems like it has gone very quickly, and other times I can't imagine a time when you weren't there. Because of you, I have tried very hard to eat more protein and more vegetables. I am not always successful. I do hope you forgive me. I have also completely eliminated artificial sweeteners - just for you! Please feel special because I really miss them.

A week from today you are officially considered "full term," which means you could come at any time! Mommy and I are pretty confident that you will be late in making your appearance and we are okay with that. I am enjoying being pregnant with you and while I can't wait for the day when we can see you and hold you and touch you, I am happy having you grow and develop on the inside.

You wouldn't believe the number of things that have changed in our lives since you came into being. We moved two hours away from where we lived before, and we bought a house with a nice yard in a safe, crunchy area. We have different jobs, and different finances, and different challenges. And we had another baby - your twin sibling - who unfortunately wasn't able to make it to play with you. It has been a very busy 36 weeks.

We are so excited to meet you and learn all about you. What will you look like? What will you smell like? Will you let us get any sleep? Mommy and I have never had anyone else in our lives; it has always been the two of us. We are looking forward to the change that is coming - and it is coming really soon!

I just wanted to take a moment to let you know what you're about to get yourself into as you enter into this world and our family. We have a little room all set up for you, and three curious cats who can't wait to sniff your soft skin. We have extended families who are eager to meet you, and lots of people who have already begun spoiling you with toys and clothes and necessities. You have a set of great-grandparents who never thought they would live to see a great-grandchild, and you have already received your very first heirloom - a ring that belonged to your great-great-grandmother.

Last night I washed all of your diaper covers and inserts, and as I set about stuffing them all together, all I could imagine was your scrappy little body sitting inside of them. It's really getting down to the wire around here and Mommy and I are going a little stir-crazy without you. Mommy keeps dreaming of you, and you are all we can talk about these days. This is going to be an exciting summer!

Enjoy your time on the inside. We are here on the outside loving you.

Love,
Mama

35w4d

1. In a couple of days, we will be 36 weeks! OH MY GOD. (Although for whatever reason I am expecting to go late.)

2. We are headed to Boston for a baby shower today. I hope it's a fun time! It will be nice to see people, and Jen has agreed to do all of the driving. (Yay!)

3. We went to a little blog get-together yesterday orchestrated by Eryn & Amy. We got to see Lo and Co, J and S, C and S, Kate the foster mama and her adorable charge - did I miss anyone? I always seem to miss someone. We had yummy lunch at Northampton Brewery and then ice cream at Herrell's. We spent 4 hours chatting. It was nice to meet some new folks, although it ended up being a bit of a babyfest since three couples are pregnant. I hope the two couples who are not (YET!) pg didn't feel left out or sad.

Either way, I hope we get to see more of C&S since they don't live too far, and Lo and Co since they have family in the area, and Kate is close by, too. I love meeting new cool people!

4. This humidity is giving me fankles. I won't call them cankles because they're not swollen above the ankle and I still have a nice delineation between calf and ankle... they're swollen BELOW the ankle bone so they make my teeny heels look even teenier. Ha ha ha!