26 weeks on display

... aaaaand ...

Most of the time everything feels great! It's nice to look pregnant, have people think I look pregnant, and just enjoy the movement and the roundness.

Plagues and afflictions:
1. Pelvic pain since about 22w when walking distances - probably due to misalignment and the fact that my pelvis has spread, spread, spread. (Does that go back? Will I ever wear my pants? I am WIDE!)

2. Some difficulty bending over.

3. Kicks on the inside, including in the cervix and the rectum. Ouch!

That's it! Otherwise life is good!

DOUBLE DIGITS!

99 days.
99 days to go.
Holy crap!

25w belly fun!

A little vacation belly action:



And now with face! (Jen usually likes to zoom in on the kid.)

Movement

For a while I was feeling some pretty rockin' movement first thing in the morning. It was kind of a nice wake up to my day... Jen would go to work, I would dabble on the internet for a little bit and then Frankenbaby would start moving all over the place. I would take a break from the computer and watch the skin on my belly jump all over.

I think she's moved to a new position because now a lot of the movement I feel is from the inside (like she's kicking me in the butt!) instead of the outside... and she also seems to be smooshed over on my right side this morning. Weird!

Vacation seems to have changed her sleep/wake cycle as well, as now she is REALLY active (sometimes uncomfortably so) right when I am trying to get settled into bed. Her evening wake up used to be around 8-9pm, now is more like 11pm! I guess it's a preparation for things to come.

Still, I hope this decreased activity is just a little phase and she will be back to her crazy self that gets my belly moving all over the place. I really like watching that.

25w5d

A little update

Hello, friends!

Well, we have made it to 25 weeks and every week it is the same - I am shocked and amazed that we have gotten this far. Our TTC journey and first trimester heartache are still both so fresh in my mind and sometimes when I fall into feeling like I'm just having a normal old pregnancy I totally shock myself!

We spent four days in sunny Florida visiting Jen's parents and I enjoyed some soaks in the pool, some nice work-free days, and a really nice stroll on a hot beach. It was nice to bust out the summer clothes and the sandals for a couple of days, and we enjoyed and celebrated the fact that I am really starting to look pregnant.

Of course this comes at a cost, and that cost is rapid weight gain. I don't know if it's at all normal but I think I gained 5lbs at vacation alone. I know it's not the best eating situation when you are on vacation and I'm sure I ate far too much junk and snacks, but I am nervous. I have my Glucose Screen coming up and ever since I really started putting on weight (6lbs last month, this month TBD) I have been worried that I am skimming the edge of GD, especially since I was insulin resistant BEFORE I got pregnant. I am trying not to worry too much and think that if it happens, it happens, but then I come home and step on the scale and see a big jump and think, "Oh here we go."

Otherwise everything has been great! Ditching the snoogle has eliminated the nighttime sciatic pain (even though it is a waste of money), I haven't had as much pelvic pain lately and enjoyed a nice stroll on the beach, and I've been feeling good. I know that the third trimester is right around the corner (what a head trip to be able to say that!) and the discomforts will begin... but I am trying not to worry about things like pre-eclampsia or any big complications before they come up. I need to keep reminding myself that I am a healthy girl and my body can totally do this!

I hope everything's going well in your worlds.

24 weeks - Viability!

Oh my gosh, this is totally going to sound weird and egotistical or whatever but WHAT A CUTE LITTLE BELLY!! It is finally starting to round itself out and not just live firmly under my waist with the pantsmouflage! I'm standing at a weird angle (kind of frontish, Jen should be more directive!) so you don't get the full stick-out effect but that's okay. Because the secret to looking like a cutesy pregnant lady is to pull off the tight little tops you wore LAST spring/summer and see how they look different.

Case in point:



(Ignore blurriness)

When you acquire your medical records

The Midwife I Like in my practice was the midwife I saw at my last appointment, and when I told her we were going to Florida in a little bit to visit Jen's parents, she suggested I take a copy of my medical records "just in case." She said that lots of times ERs and stuff freak about pregnant people and are afraid to treat things, so having the records is a kind of insurance. So, okay, I hoofed up there to pick up the records (and to get more blood drawn from some missing prenatal tests, whatever).

Now before seeing TMIL last time, I had two visits with The Midwife I Do NOT Like. And oh, I do not like her. She's very snappy and it comes off as judgmental, and well, I just don't like it. I told her once (because umm, if you can't tell your midwife your pregnancy worries, whom can you tell?) that I was concerned that everyone was telling me I was really small, and that I looked really small compared to some of my due date peers. She snapped, "Stop looking at the internet." I was cheesed. That was the first visit.

The second visit with TMIDNL was the same day as our Big Ultrasound, so Jen was with me. We'd had a particularly rocky night the night before due to some misunderstanding and also a lot of sad feelings about our lost baby, and we're also pretty hung up on ultrasounds (as we've had a million and also have to see our lost baby at every single one), AND we ended up "not getting clear pictures" and being told we'd need ANOTHER ultrasound, so... yeah. Not the best day. I was really emotional in the office that day, and Jen was too, and at some point she asked if we were "having problems." I felt like crap that day, hadn't slept, and well, I'm protective of my relationship. I don't like people making snappy judgments about it.

So... the records. I shouldn't have done it but it was like a train wreck. I /had/ to immediately go to the page with those two visits on it, because the whole ride home from that awful visit that day I was hysterically crying that this woman was going to write awful things in my record. And there it was:

"strained relationship"
"recommended couples counseling" (which she definitely did not)
"seems to distrust the medical system"
"pt worries that we will think she is crazy"

OH. MY. GOD. This is in my FILE, the same file that will probably go to my new PCP, the same file that may be picked up again if I ever have another baby, my FILE. I am MORTIFIED. This is ON PAPER. What the hell do I do, besides spit nails?

Jen wants to file a complaint against TMIDNL. Or she wants me to talk to TMIL at my next appointment. She wants to go On Record saying that this sort of thing is inappropriate, etc. But all I can think about is how anything On Record is ALSO going to be a part of my file, and do I need MORE crap in my file about how I have issues? Honestly, I want to complain to someone too but I feel like I'm in this weird Catch-22 where expressing my displeasure (and also the lack of ethics involved) Proves Their Point. Augh.

This may not seem like a big deal, but when I have a like four-page record TOPS, and one whole page is full of disparaging remarks about me, it makes me twitchy. Especially because I don't like her. Especially because she made me feel stupid for asking questions about my pregnancy concerns. Especially because this woman could very possibly deliver our baby.

I don't even know what to do.

More on the Inane Comments

I'm babysitting sporadically for a new family. Last night when she was paying me, the mom asked me again when I was due. I again told her 4th of July. She then busted out the MOST inane comment I have heard so far:

"Are you SURE you're pregnant?"

Umm... actually yes. 7 home pregnancy tests, two beta blood tests, nine ultrasounds, a weekly date with the doppler, and the way my belly moves around have kind of made me think so.

I am living in bizarro world.

It grows

23w1d

Weeptacular

Someone tries to give me "advice" about how I should tell family members to give money to my child - I start crying.

Jen and I talk about how her mom likes to say bad things about her out loud - I start crying.

I start thinking about how little money we actually can spend on my taking some sort of maternity leave, and how short that leave will be - I start crying.

Jen writes something sweet about our family in her journal or something - I start crying.

Oh my god, I think I'm turning into my mother!!! PLEASE SEND HELP.

Midwife Appt - 22w5d

Let's recap briefly:

1. I gained six pounds in the last month. The month before? 1 lb. I guess that's from stopping Metformin.
2. The midwife tried to measure my fundal height but there wasn't much to measure! Ha!
3. The baby kicked the doppler off my belly.
4. The midwife said (THANK GOD) that I can sleep on my back and wouldn't have to worry about vena cava stuff for a LONG time. Oh my god I am so happy because sleeping on my sides was giving my sciatic pain.
5. I can stop taking the extra folic acid supplement.
6. She is going to send me a copy of my records for when we go to Florida in a couple of weeks.
7. She told me to tell people I don't have a big belly because I have incredible abdominal muscles.
8. She gave us hugs. She is my favorite of all the midwives.
9. My sugar was up a little bit - 100. I don't know if it's from the Metformin stoppage or because I tried that "drink a glass of orange juice to get your baby to move" trick.
10. Glucose challenge test next month. Also, next month's appointment is my first one YET with NO ultrasound. (Yay.)
11. Speaking of ultrasound, spine was perfect, heart had four chambers, everything was perfectly fine.
12. And WE ARE HAVING A GIRL! Say hello to our little daughter, August Ruth:

Well, this is one way to get it...

I often kiss the belleh. I like it, it makes me feel close to both my wife and our child in there.

Last night while kissing the belleh, our baby kicked me in the face. It sounds a little horrible but it wasn't - it was absolutely wonderful.

When you kiss something you are so much closer - more intimate then when you touch with your hands....

It wasn't really a kick - but more like a "hey I know your kissing me mommy so here is me saying HELLO! (really hard!)"

Yay...

Belly frustrations

Sometimes I feel like pregnancy is just 40 weeks of feeling like you are Not Good Enough. It doesn't help that everyone wants to put their two cents into your piggy bank, telling you all about what they did, or what they are doing, or even what they think they might do in the future. People have no problem telling you that your prospective parenting choices are "gross," "disgusting," "stupid," etc. And /everyone/ has something to say about your health.

Is THAT what you're eating?
Are you sure you should be drinking that?
Are you drinking enough water?
Boy, you're HUGE!
Are you sure you're not having twins?
You can't possibly be pregnant!
Wow, you don't look X weeks.
Are you eating too much?
Are you eating too little?
Are you eating soft cheese? deli meat? seafood? SODA??!?!???!

And on and on and on.

It's almost like an internalized -ism, the way you start to second guess all of these things in yourself. It's hard not to - pregnancy is everywhere, on television, in the malls, in groups of friends, on the internet... Millions and millions of little sources of comparison.

Last night we had dinner at a friend's and she was just full and round and perfect looking. She is also 2 weeks or so behind me in terms of gestation and was very kindly trying to squint to see some evidence of belly on me and make sure to make nice comments about how "she could see it!" As if a microscope was necessary.

We interviewed a doula on Tuesday who made sure to tell me that she would have never guessed I was 22 weeks. And then tried to recover by saying it must be due to my long torso and wide hips. I really wanted to say, "Speaking of wide hips, you're really fat!!!" but a) that is really mean and b) I'm not that kind of person. But honestly, what woman, especially a woman with a larger frame, DOESN'T know that it's not okay to use "wide" or "big" as adjectives when talking about strangers' hips? Needless to say she is not going to be our doula.

I went to bed sad again last night, just like at that baby shower we went to, like somehow I am starving my baby and/or preventing her growth. How can everyone have these rich, round bellies and I have this tiny little bump below my waist? Where is this baby growing, if at all? All of those e-mailed pregnancy newsletters are telling me that this week I might notice my belly button starting to pop out, if it hasn't already. HA HA HA. I'm still waiting for my BELLY to pop out.